bravecaptain.co.uk :: View topic - Ask Dr Phil
Ask Dr Phil
Goto page 1, 2  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    bravecaptain.co.uk Forum Index -> bravecaptain
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Dr Phil Collins



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 5
Location: The Dr is In

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 18:34    Post subject: Ask Dr Phil Reply with quote



Children! Dr Phil has taken a break from drumming and charlie to help you with all your psychological problems be they real, imaginary or just plain sick. Do you have faith in the Government? Do you think that just because somebody makes records you don't like that makes them a paedophile? Or do you just want some attention? If you suffer from these or symptoms like these such as, I dunno, having your own website or fear of work then Dr Phil is the man. The Dr..........is IN!
_________________
the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Guest






PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

i will come to you in person Dr Phil, then i can answer your questions.
Back to top
Dubya - T



Joined: 27 Aug 2002
Posts: 559
Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

Records I don't like!!!

I'm rather partial to a bit of Selling England By The Pound, Foxtrot, The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway, And Then There Were Three I'll have you know.

It's just that Tommy thing, and Easy Lover which was utter bollocks you have to admit.

Maybe it's a problem I have....

Anyway Dr. Phil
How do you switch from a 6/8 time signature into 5/4 smoothly without using a crash cymbal?

And also,
Is a 3hr concept album based on the life cycle of the naked mole rat a bad idea or should I really be asking Rick Wakeman that?
_________________
We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.....
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Hew



Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Posts: 529
Location: Chicago

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr Phil

Any more disney movie soundtracks in the pipelines? That one you did for tarzan was fucking ace.
_________________
Martin O'Neill's Claret And Blue Army
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
John Mc



Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 1398

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 20:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr Phil,

Can you clarify how low taxes in Britain would have to be before you'd consider coming back to the country? It's shameful that you and Ken Bates have been driven out of the country due to those greedy, money grabbing nurses and teachers demanding ever increasing wages.

Also how did you get the drums in 'In The Air Tonight' to sound so loud and scary?
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Dr Phil Collins



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 5
Location: The Dr is In

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 23:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my, you lot are quite dim aren't you? My post here is purely in a medical advisement capacity. If you want to know about drum sounds and concept albums I suggest you go to my music website or some such fanboy friendly venue. I'm only trying to help, I'm not harshing anyone's buzz am I? As ever, the doctor is...in.

Dr Phil
_________________
the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
bravecaptain



Joined: 08 Feb 2003
Posts: 859

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 03:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

Keep your shirt on old man.

Dear Dr Phil, long time caller no time listener, It has been brought to my attention (by me in the bathroom last night) that I have started talking to myself rather more than I think I would like. I've had a word with myself but that seemed to make it worse. What should I do? I'm worried that I might get drunk and start telling myself a few home truths.

Also, and this is painful to admit, I have my own website...

There, I've said it.

mx
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
John Mc



Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 1398

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 09:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

But Seriously Dr Phil,

I started a new job last week, worked for 3 days, got a chest infection and have been off ill ever since. Am I a delicate flower who is not cut out for this harsh capitalist world or a workshy fop?

John Mc
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
PrincessPunkRock



Joined: 20 Aug 2002
Posts: 258
Location: London, UK

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 09:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

dear dr. phil,

my deepest desire since i was a youngster was to be invisible for one day so i could follow you around and repeatedly kick you in the balls while screaming "invisible touch" ramones-style into your ear. i don't really have a problem but i just thought i'd share.

x
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Crustybit



Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 64
Location: Noosa, Australia

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 15:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have just had a really big shit and my arse is bleeding. What should I do, I think I am going to die, it won't stop.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mixedcasesspaces



Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 574
Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores

PostPosted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 15:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

Messages that make you laugh out loud when at work are dangerous. Very Happy
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/thelostcavalry
www.thelostcavalry.com
www.mixedcasesspaces.co.uk
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Dr Phil Collins



Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 5
Location: The Dr is In

PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 08:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

John Mac asks..

Dr Phil,

Can you clarify how low taxes in Britain would have to be before you'd consider coming back to the country? It's shameful that you and Ken Bates have been driven out of the country due to those greedy, money grabbing nurses and teachers demanding ever increasing wages.


Not really a mental health issue here but one cannot escape the hypocracy and double standards of a man who idolises premiership footballers, every one of whom almost certainly votes Conservative every election, purely for tax reasons. They see nothing wrong with demanding over a hundred grand a week, holding their respective clubs to ransom and pushing up ticket prices for their working class fans, many of whom will be nurses and teachers.

I don't mind you lot hating me, indie kids are always the most narrow minded of music lovers but in the end I'm just a bloke that makes records. I've never sold out like the Manics. I've never made anything as twee as Keane or as downright boring as Coldplay. Super Furry Animals sound more and more like Steely Dan and as for Oasis; well, their vacant euphoria got old many moons ago. So if we can leave the personal insults out of this, it would make it more of a pleasurable experience. I'm only here to help you guys.

So John, I suggest a slice of jam and a cup of warm cat tinkle. Come back if you have any more problems. Next!


bravecaptain writes...


Keep your shirt on old man.

Dear Dr Phil, long time caller no time listener, It has been brought to my attention (by me in the bathroom last night) that I have started talking to myself rather more than I think I would like. I've had a word with myself but that seemed to make it worse. What should I do? I'm worried that I might get drunk and start telling myself a few home truths.

Also, and this is painful to admit, I have my own website...

There, I've said it.



Keep my shirt on what?

Maybe a few home truths would be good for you. You have obviously lived a pampered life these last fifteen years or so. Why don't you go get a job, be a nurse or teacher? Why don't you talk yourself into finishing your album so we can all have a laugh. Laughter is a great tonic but Schweppes is still the best. Wasn't it the American businessman, Franklin P Jones who said "One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."? There's nothing wrong with you boy and as for having your own website, well, see my signature below. I would suggest swingball and a beaker of reality, slightly chilled. Next!



John Mac is Bac.....

But Seriously Dr Phil,

I started a new job last week, worked for 3 days, got a chest infection and have been off ill ever since. Am I a delicate flower who is not cut out for this harsh capitalist world or a workshy fop?


You are a workshy flower, probably of the rare Dossa species. It's ok though, we all have our own ways of getting through this life. We compensate in other areas. You do fuck all so you have to make a commendable noise about nurse's pay. May I suggest a pillow fight and trip down the Jobbie? Let me know how it works out son. Next!



Princess Punk Rock whines...


dear dr. phil,

my deepest desire since i was a youngster was to be invisible for one day so i could follow you around and repeatedly kick you in the balls while screaming "invisible touch" ramones-style into your ear. i don't really have a problem but i just thought i'd share.



Ah Princess 'Punk Rock', that phrase has really lost all meaning now hasn't it? What is it you do? Some kind of corporate lickspittle fawning over the sixties undead (Listen up bitch, I was in 'A Hard Day's Night') backstage at big festivals with cash machines and coporate tent areas? How is that 'Punk Rock'? I do think that your youthful daydreamings are very healthy. You obviously have a great imagination and a good, if entirely predictable, taste in music everyone else likes. It's good to get it off your chest though, no use keeping it all bottled up. I would suggest you maybe subvert the system a little, or maybe work outside it? Or will you start bleating about 'having to pay the rent', the corporate mantra. Gets you out of all manner of scrapes. Next!



Crustybit writes

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have just had a really big shit and my arse is bleeding. What should I do, I think I am going to die, it won't stop.


Good Lord boy! What have you been doing. May I suggest a human sexual partner. I know how good those bulls look, especially in Australia where all the girls look the same, all healthy and freckly; makes you want something a little more dangerous doesn't it? No use in being embarrased, put a plaster on it and try not to put anything up there for a while. May I suggest sitting on bathtaps? Next!
_________________
the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
John Mc



Joined: 29 Oct 2003
Posts: 1398

PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 09:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dr Phil Collins wrote:
You are a workshy flower, probably of the rare Dossa species.


Cheers Dr Phil, I'd always suspected as much but its good to have it confirmed by a medical man. Couldn't find any warm cat tinkle so I've had to buy some of that frozen stuff they sell in newsagents and it seems to be doing the trick. By the way I don't really give a shit about nurses, the one's at my local health centre don't even work Sundays unlike those selfless Premiership footballers and your good self.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Crustybit



Joined: 21 Jan 2005
Posts: 64
Location: Noosa, Australia

PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 01:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the tip too, fortunately I was mistaken, I remembered that I had eaten some beetroot the day before.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Guest






PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 09:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Dr Phil

Whilst I was on holiday I was in the sea with my girlfriend and I started splashing her and I, er, um, y'know, kinda liked it. If you know what I mean.

Am I a pervert?

mx
Back to top
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    bravecaptain.co.uk Forum Index -> bravecaptain All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2  Next
Page 1 of 2

 

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group