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Dr Phil Collins
Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 5 Location: The Dr is In
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 18:34 Post subject: Ask Dr Phil |
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Children! Dr Phil has taken a break from drumming and charlie to help you with all your psychological problems be they real, imaginary or just plain sick. Do you have faith in the Government? Do you think that just because somebody makes records you don't like that makes them a paedophile? Or do you just want some attention? If you suffer from these or symptoms like these such as, I dunno, having your own website or fear of work then Dr Phil is the man. The Dr..........is IN! _________________ the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake |
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Guest
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:37 Post subject: |
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i will come to you in person Dr Phil, then i can answer your questions. |
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Dubya - T
Joined: 27 Aug 2002 Posts: 559 Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:50 Post subject: |
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Records I don't like!!!
I'm rather partial to a bit of Selling England By The Pound, Foxtrot, The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway, And Then There Were Three I'll have you know.
It's just that Tommy thing, and Easy Lover which was utter bollocks you have to admit.
Maybe it's a problem I have....
Anyway Dr. Phil
How do you switch from a 6/8 time signature into 5/4 smoothly without using a crash cymbal?
And also,
Is a 3hr concept album based on the life cycle of the naked mole rat a bad idea or should I really be asking Rick Wakeman that? _________________ We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off..... |
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Hew
Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 529 Location: Chicago
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 19:53 Post subject: |
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Dr Phil
Any more disney movie soundtracks in the pipelines? That one you did for tarzan was fucking ace. _________________ Martin O'Neill's Claret And Blue Army |
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John Mc
Joined: 29 Oct 2003 Posts: 1398
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 20:13 Post subject: |
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Dr Phil,
Can you clarify how low taxes in Britain would have to be before you'd consider coming back to the country? It's shameful that you and Ken Bates have been driven out of the country due to those greedy, money grabbing nurses and teachers demanding ever increasing wages.
Also how did you get the drums in 'In The Air Tonight' to sound so loud and scary? |
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Dr Phil Collins
Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 5 Location: The Dr is In
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 23:23 Post subject: |
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Oh my, you lot are quite dim aren't you? My post here is purely in a medical advisement capacity. If you want to know about drum sounds and concept albums I suggest you go to my music website or some such fanboy friendly venue. I'm only trying to help, I'm not harshing anyone's buzz am I? As ever, the doctor is...in.
Dr Phil _________________ the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake |
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bravecaptain
Joined: 08 Feb 2003 Posts: 859
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 03:28 Post subject: |
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Keep your shirt on old man.
Dear Dr Phil, long time caller no time listener, It has been brought to my attention (by me in the bathroom last night) that I have started talking to myself rather more than I think I would like. I've had a word with myself but that seemed to make it worse. What should I do? I'm worried that I might get drunk and start telling myself a few home truths.
Also, and this is painful to admit, I have my own website...
There, I've said it.
mx |
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John Mc
Joined: 29 Oct 2003 Posts: 1398
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 09:09 Post subject: |
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But Seriously Dr Phil,
I started a new job last week, worked for 3 days, got a chest infection and have been off ill ever since. Am I a delicate flower who is not cut out for this harsh capitalist world or a workshy fop?
John Mc |
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PrincessPunkRock
Joined: 20 Aug 2002 Posts: 258 Location: London, UK
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 09:49 Post subject: |
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dear dr. phil,
my deepest desire since i was a youngster was to be invisible for one day so i could follow you around and repeatedly kick you in the balls while screaming "invisible touch" ramones-style into your ear. i don't really have a problem but i just thought i'd share.
x |
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Crustybit
Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 64 Location: Noosa, Australia
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Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 15:12 Post subject: |
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Dear Dr. Phil,
I have just had a really big shit and my arse is bleeding. What should I do, I think I am going to die, it won't stop. |
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mixedcasesspaces
Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 574 Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores
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Dr Phil Collins
Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 5 Location: The Dr is In
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 08:32 Post subject: |
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John Mac asks..
Dr Phil,
Can you clarify how low taxes in Britain would have to be before you'd consider coming back to the country? It's shameful that you and Ken Bates have been driven out of the country due to those greedy, money grabbing nurses and teachers demanding ever increasing wages.
Not really a mental health issue here but one cannot escape the hypocracy and double standards of a man who idolises premiership footballers, every one of whom almost certainly votes Conservative every election, purely for tax reasons. They see nothing wrong with demanding over a hundred grand a week, holding their respective clubs to ransom and pushing up ticket prices for their working class fans, many of whom will be nurses and teachers.
I don't mind you lot hating me, indie kids are always the most narrow minded of music lovers but in the end I'm just a bloke that makes records. I've never sold out like the Manics. I've never made anything as twee as Keane or as downright boring as Coldplay. Super Furry Animals sound more and more like Steely Dan and as for Oasis; well, their vacant euphoria got old many moons ago. So if we can leave the personal insults out of this, it would make it more of a pleasurable experience. I'm only here to help you guys.
So John, I suggest a slice of jam and a cup of warm cat tinkle. Come back if you have any more problems. Next!
bravecaptain writes...
Keep your shirt on old man.
Dear Dr Phil, long time caller no time listener, It has been brought to my attention (by me in the bathroom last night) that I have started talking to myself rather more than I think I would like. I've had a word with myself but that seemed to make it worse. What should I do? I'm worried that I might get drunk and start telling myself a few home truths.
Also, and this is painful to admit, I have my own website...
There, I've said it.
Keep my shirt on what?
Maybe a few home truths would be good for you. You have obviously lived a pampered life these last fifteen years or so. Why don't you go get a job, be a nurse or teacher? Why don't you talk yourself into finishing your album so we can all have a laugh. Laughter is a great tonic but Schweppes is still the best. Wasn't it the American businessman, Franklin P Jones who said "One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening."? There's nothing wrong with you boy and as for having your own website, well, see my signature below. I would suggest swingball and a beaker of reality, slightly chilled. Next!
John Mac is Bac.....
But Seriously Dr Phil,
I started a new job last week, worked for 3 days, got a chest infection and have been off ill ever since. Am I a delicate flower who is not cut out for this harsh capitalist world or a workshy fop?
You are a workshy flower, probably of the rare
Dossa
species. It's ok though, we all have our own ways of getting through this life. We compensate in other areas. You do fuck all so you have to make a commendable noise about nurse's pay. May I suggest a pillow fight and trip down the Jobbie? Let me know how it works out son. Next!
Princess Punk Rock whines...
dear dr. phil,
my deepest desire since i was a youngster was to be invisible for one day so i could follow you around and repeatedly kick you in the balls while screaming "invisible touch" ramones-style into your ear. i don't really have a problem but i just thought i'd share.
Ah Princess 'Punk Rock', that phrase has really lost all meaning now hasn't it? What is it you do? Some kind of corporate lickspittle fawning over the sixties undead (Listen up bitch, I was
in
'A Hard Day's Night') backstage at big festivals with cash machines and coporate tent areas? How is that 'Punk Rock'? I do think that your youthful daydreamings are very healthy. You obviously have a great imagination and a good, if entirely predictable, taste in music everyone else likes. It's good to get it off your chest though, no use keeping it all bottled up. I would suggest you maybe subvert the system a little, or maybe work outside it? Or will you start bleating about 'having to pay the rent', the corporate mantra. Gets you out of all manner of scrapes. Next!
Crustybit writes
Dear Dr. Phil,
I have just had a really big shit and my arse is bleeding. What should I do, I think I am going to die, it won't stop.
Good Lord boy! What
have
you been doing. May I suggest a human sexual partner. I know how good those bulls look, especially in Australia where all the girls look the same, all healthy and freckly; makes you want something a little more
dangerous
doesn't it? No use in being embarrased, put a plaster on it and try not to put anything up there for a while. May I suggest sitting on bathtaps? Next! _________________ the problem with you is that you're out your fucking cake |
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John Mc
Joined: 29 Oct 2003 Posts: 1398
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 09:29 Post subject: |
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Dr Phil Collins wrote: |
You are a workshy flower, probably of the rare
Dossa
species. |
Cheers Dr Phil, I'd always suspected as much but its good to have it confirmed by a medical man. Couldn't find any warm cat tinkle so I've had to buy some of that frozen stuff they sell in newsagents and it seems to be doing the trick. By the way I don't really give a shit about nurses, the one's at my local health centre don't even work Sundays unlike those selfless Premiership footballers and your good self. |
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Crustybit
Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 64 Location: Noosa, Australia
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 01:07 Post subject: |
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Thanks for the tip too, fortunately I was mistaken, I remembered that I had eaten some beetroot the day before. |
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Guest
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 09:05 Post subject: |
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Dear Dr Phil
Whilst I was on holiday I was in the sea with my girlfriend and I started splashing her and I, er, um, y'know, kinda liked it. If you know what I mean.
Am I a pervert?
mx |
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