bravecaptain.co.uk :: View topic - Joke!
Joke!
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    bravecaptain.co.uk Forum Index -> bravecaptain
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
mixedcasesspaces



Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 574
Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores

PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 13:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is that your disaproving face Tommy?
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/thelostcavalry
www.thelostcavalry.com
www.mixedcasesspaces.co.uk
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
John M
Guest





PostPosted: Sat May 14, 2005 02:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stolen from Popbitch this week:

A man gets up one morning to find his wife
already in the kitchen cooking.
He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night
when you came to bed very drunk," she replied

Completely puzzled, the man walks away
thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking
her to cook my sock..."
Back to top
Kris



Joined: 16 Sep 2002
Posts: 2550
Location: Sheffield

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 15:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.







The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
_________________
"fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
AdamW



Joined: 20 Aug 2004
Posts: 197
Location: Chester, UK

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

Can anyone provide me with a tranl8tion, please?

Embarassed
_________________
The Musical Mystery Tour,
every Sunday night 10pm - 1am, BBC Radio Wales
http://adamwalton.co.uk

http://myspace.com/adamthomaswalton
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
mixedcasesspaces



Joined: 04 Aug 2004
Posts: 574
Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kinkster wrote:
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.

The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


Excellent, that one was worth telling my workmates Smile
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/thelostcavalry
www.thelostcavalry.com
www.mixedcasesspaces.co.uk
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Kris



Joined: 16 Sep 2002
Posts: 2550
Location: Sheffield

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

A Woman once said that a Man is like a deck of playing cards:

You need a Heart to love him

A Diamond to Marry him

A Club to smash his head in

and A Spade to bury the bastard with.
_________________
"fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
boo_babe



Joined: 27 Apr 2005
Posts: 122
Location: Co. Down, NI

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

very true kinkster!
Very Happy
_________________
Boo Babe
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
guest
Guest





PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:50    Post subject: a peter kay classic Reply with quote

A man walks into a Dr's office with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The Dr asks 'Whats that?'. Man says 'I dunno but its driving me nuts'.
Back to top
discoRdance



Joined: 20 May 2003
Posts: 1183
Location: Ireland

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 17:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

John M wrote:
Stolen from Popbitch this week:

A man gets up one morning to find his wife
already in the kitchen cooking.
He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.

"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night
when you came to bed very drunk," she replied

Completely puzzled, the man walks away
thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking
her to cook my sock..."



I made a similar cook / sock comment only last week, hmmm........
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Dubya - T



Joined: 27 Aug 2002
Posts: 559
Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 18:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state.

Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a wee.

At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away.
The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.

'Just the job' she decides and without another thought, duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task completed, the women continue staggering home.
Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second. "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night.
"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her @rse that said, "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station"
_________________
We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.....
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
boo_babe



Joined: 27 Apr 2005
Posts: 122
Location: Co. Down, NI

PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 20:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

that is the best one i've heard yet dubya-T. Laughing
_________________
Boo Babe
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Kris



Joined: 16 Sep 2002
Posts: 2550
Location: Sheffield

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 09:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bob the builder was going through a house he had just built with the
woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"

When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!".

When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for? The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've got a couple of Geordies laying the turf out front."
_________________
"fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive."
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Rich LSB



Joined: 14 Jan 2005
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 15:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

Q. Why did the one-armed monkey fall out of the tree?











A. Because I waved to him.

(I love that joke... strangely enough, no-one else seems to...)
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Tommy BOO



Joined: 21 Aug 2002
Posts: 3067
Location: here, there, and everywhere

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 16:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

Alternative answer: Because the monkey was high.
_________________
"Tommy Boo has played a pivotal role in my life. I've looked up to him since I was a kid and he has inspired every note of music I have ever written. The man is a fucking genius" -BC
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Dubya - T



Joined: 27 Aug 2002
Posts: 559
Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2005 16:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic
name. For example, the trade name TylenolR is acetaminophen. AleveR is known
as naproxen, AmoxilR is amoxicillin, and AdvilR is ibuprofen".

The (American) FDA has been looking for a generic name for ViagraR. After
consideration by a team of experts, it recently announced that it has
settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were
mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and, of course,
ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. is to make an announcement that ViagraR will soon be available
in liquid form and will be marketed by PepsiR Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims it will
now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously,
we can no longer call this a soft drink.

This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails and highballs.
Pepsi will market the new formula by the name, Mount & Do (aka Mountain
Dew).

The long term implications of drugs and medical procedures must be fully
considered. Over the past five years, Americans have spent more money on
breast implants and ViagraR than on Alzheimer's research. It is therefore
believed that, by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people
wandering around with perky breasts and erections who can't remember what to
do with them.

Rolling Eyes
_________________
We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.....
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    bravecaptain.co.uk Forum Index -> bravecaptain All times are GMT
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Page 2 of 3

 

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group