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mixedcasesspaces
Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 574 Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores
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John M Guest
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 02:03 Post subject: |
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Stolen from Popbitch this week:
A man gets up one morning to find his wife
already in the kitchen cooking.
He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night
when you came to bed very drunk," she replied
Completely puzzled, the man walks away
thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking
her to cook my sock..." |
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Kris
Joined: 16 Sep 2002 Posts: 2550 Location: Sheffield
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 15:40 Post subject: |
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." _________________ "fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive." |
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AdamW
Joined: 20 Aug 2004 Posts: 197 Location: Chester, UK
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mixedcasesspaces
Joined: 04 Aug 2004 Posts: 574 Location: In the bin, wriggling around with the apple cores
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Kris
Joined: 16 Sep 2002 Posts: 2550 Location: Sheffield
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:28 Post subject: |
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A Woman once said that a Man is like a deck of playing cards:
You need a Heart to love him
A Diamond to Marry him
A Club to smash his head in
and A Spade to bury the bastard with. _________________ "fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive." |
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boo_babe
Joined: 27 Apr 2005 Posts: 122 Location: Co. Down, NI
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:47 Post subject: |
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very true kinkster!
 _________________ Boo Babe |
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guest Guest
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 16:50 Post subject: a peter kay classic |
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A man walks into a Dr's office with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The Dr asks 'Whats that?'. Man says 'I dunno but its driving me nuts'. |
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discoRdance
Joined: 20 May 2003 Posts: 1183 Location: Ireland
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 17:35 Post subject: |
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John M wrote: |
Stolen from Popbitch this week:
A man gets up one morning to find his wife
already in the kitchen cooking.
He looks to see what she's cooking, and sees
one of his socks in the frying pan.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night
when you came to bed very drunk," she replied
Completely puzzled, the man walks away
thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking
her to cook my sock..." |
I made a similar cook / sock comment only last week, hmmm........ |
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Dubya - T
Joined: 27 Aug 2002 Posts: 559 Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 18:11 Post subject: |
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Two women are walking home after a girlie night out. They are very drunk and the walk home is taking some time due to their intoxicated state.
Eventually, they find themselves desperate for a wee.
At that particular moment, they are passing a church and decide to go behind the headstones in the graveyard. As they finish they both realize they have nothing to 'freshen-up' with so the first woman decides to use her knickers and then throw them away.
The second woman is wearing very expensive underwear and is reluctant to lose them, when she notices a new grave nearby with lots of fresh flowers, amongst which is a very lavish bouquet with a thick soft ribbon.
'Just the job' she decides and without another thought, duly drags the bouquet over and uses the ribbon to dry herself. Their task completed, the women continue staggering home.
Next morning, the husband of the first woman phones the husband of the second. "We need to keep an eye on our wives. Mine came home with no knickers on last night.
"You think you've got problems" exclaims the second husband "My wife came home last night with a card stuck up her @rse that said, "We'll Never Forget You - From All the Lads at the Fire Station" _________________ We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off..... |
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boo_babe
Joined: 27 Apr 2005 Posts: 122 Location: Co. Down, NI
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2005 20:23 Post subject: |
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that is the best one i've heard yet dubya-T.  _________________ Boo Babe |
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Kris
Joined: 16 Sep 2002 Posts: 2550 Location: Sheffield
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 09:23 Post subject: |
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Bob the builder was going through a house he had just built with the
woman who owned it. She was telling him what colour to paint each room.
They went into the first room and she said "I want this room to be painted a light blue." The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"
When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be bright red. The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!"When he went back into the house, she told him that the next room was to be tan. The builder went to the front door and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP!".
When he came back, the lady was pretty curious, so she asked him "I keep telling you colours, but you go out the front and yell green side up; what is that for? The builder said, "Oh don't worry about that, I've got a couple of Geordies laying the turf out front." _________________ "fashioned by the blade of a world that doesn't care,
feeling so removed, drifting thru stealing air then...
pause and think about it, try to move and shift the pain, but it's there you feel it kicking and you scream and feel alive." |
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Rich LSB
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 7
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 15:31 Post subject: |
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Q. Why did the one-armed monkey fall out of the tree?
A. Because I waved to him.
(I love that joke... strangely enough, no-one else seems to...) |
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Tommy BOO
Joined: 21 Aug 2002 Posts: 3067 Location: here, there, and everywhere
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 16:22 Post subject: |
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Alternative answer:
Because the monkey was high. _________________
"Tommy Boo has played a pivotal role in my life. I've looked up to him since I was a kid and he has inspired every note of music I have ever written. The man is a fucking genius"
-BC
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Dubya - T
Joined: 27 Aug 2002 Posts: 559 Location: Floatin' down the greasy grass river
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 16:41 Post subject: |
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In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic
name. For example, the trade name TylenolR is acetaminophen. AleveR is known
as naproxen, AmoxilR is amoxicillin, and AdvilR is ibuprofen".
The (American) FDA has been looking for a generic name for ViagraR. After
consideration by a team of experts, it recently announced that it has
settled on the generic name of mycoxafloppin. Also considered were
mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and, of course,
ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. is to make an announcement that ViagraR will soon be available
in liquid form and will be marketed by PepsiR Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims it will
now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously,
we can no longer call this a soft drink.
This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails and highballs.
Pepsi will market the new formula by the name, Mount & Do (aka Mountain
Dew).
The long term implications of drugs and medical procedures must be fully
considered. Over the past five years, Americans have spent more money on
breast implants and ViagraR than on Alzheimer's research. It is therefore
believed that, by the year 2030, there will be a large number of people
wandering around with perky breasts and erections who can't remember what to
do with them.
 _________________ We would like to announce that due to cutbacks the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off..... |
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